Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
