i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
