It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
