She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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