I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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