it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
