she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
