I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
