I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
