the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
