Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
