I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
