Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
