it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
