I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
