I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I cut my penus on the lid.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
