but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
