You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are a genius and a whore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
