i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just had sex bonerless
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
