Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
