It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
