I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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