Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
