I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Operation Purity has been aborted
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
