I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
