I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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