I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize