Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
