After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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