On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
