508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
