if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
