remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
