Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
