How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
