So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
