Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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