I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
