she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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