you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i've created a new STD.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
