Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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