So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
