is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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