Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
