What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
