Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
