drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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