bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
