He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
