It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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