If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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