Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
