You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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