Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
