What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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