i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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