Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
