Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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