I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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