so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
