okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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