I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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