How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
