I puked a lego.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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