Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My life is pants optional.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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