I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
