It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
