yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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