My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
