Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
