I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You need a sexual gate keeper
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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