i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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