I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am one with the molecules
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
