Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
