we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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