I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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