is your mom at the bar?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
