...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Boobs speak an international language.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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