i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize