please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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