I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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