I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
