Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize