she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
