Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
