We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize