I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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