Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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