i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize