Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
