You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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