im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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