I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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